Why would anyone buy tickets to Michael Jackson’s latest tour?

Recently I have been bombarded with facebook updates of people who have managed to buy Jacko tickets and expressed their excitement:
“Sam is so excited about seeing Michael Jackson in July”
“Karen can’t wait to see Michael Jackson wooo!”

These people are delusional idiots. Unless they have tickets to his first show they ain’t seeing nothin’ because he will not be able to perform beyond the first 20 minutes of the first show. This is not Prince, this guy does not still have it, this guy is a frail whack job. He can barely walk, ha has not sung live for over a decade! What makes anyone believe he can pull off 50 stadium shows? I bet he mimes from his wheelchair. I just hope his nose doesn’t fall off during one of the shows. That would be really traumatic for a diehard Jackson fan. Funny to me though :)

Mark Dolan is a twat who sucks at hosting documentaries

If you live outside the UK, or if you live in the UK and have a life greater than mine, you probably have no idea who Mark Dolan is. For the purpose of this blog, all you need to know is he’s a fuckin’ twat.

He hosts (badly) these documentaries about him and world record breaking people. For example, ‘World’s Strongest Man and Me’, ‘World’s Fattest Pet and Me’, ‘World’s Shortest Man and Me’ and he SUCKS ASS! The guy started out as a comedian, so he tries to do serious with humour. But he just comes across as stupid, insincere and a twat.

What I hate most about this guy in these documentaries is that he’s always asking to touch, or pick up his subjects. For instance he lifted the world’s tiniest man up to his shoulders and says “this is what it looks like from my point of view”. Firstly Mark you twat, this tiny man doesn’t understand English, secondly he is a man, why are you talking to him like he’s 4 years old? Thirdly put him down before you drop him. Mark likes to drop things. In the heaviest pet episode he picks up a giant rabbit and loses grip. Thankfully for the owner he gained his grip by wedging the rabbit between himself and the bench. Then, in the same episode he asks an owner of a really fat dog whether he can try to lift the dog. Why would anyone want to live a fat dog? Did he not learn his lesson with the rabbit? It looked like he was trying to mount the poor fat dog.

Finally, when he meets one of the world’s strong men he asks to touch his abs. Weirdo. Mark, stop touching everything! It’s really creepy. I’m not even going to touch the ‘World’s Biggest Boobs and Me’ episode. Twat.