Every morning and every evening I walk to, then from work. And every morning and every evening I experience some sort of road rage ranging from about 4 (a person oblivious to the fact they’re blocking the walkway) to a 10 (some arsewipe walking into me).
If you’re one of the idiots I pass in my day to day life then here are some tips to make you less of an infuriating moron. Take note.
Cyclists – You are not above the law. If a light is red and a pedestrian has right of way stop at the red light! All you cyclists injured in road accidents deserve it. And stop wearing those ridiculous looking Darth Vader masks. They don’t actually prevent you from inhaling the smaller pollution particles which are actually the ones harmful to you. And while you’re cutting down on your bicycle gear stop wearing helmets. Head injuries can kill and I’d prefer less of you pricks on the road.
People who like to walk and text – All you people who think you can walk and text at the same time, news flash YOU CAN’T! If you’re so important you can’t wait until your destination to reply to a text then do one of two things. Either phone the person or pull your stupid arse over out of everyone’s way and stop walking blindly. The amount of dickwads I see swerving over the footpath and texting and bumping into people. The next time I see one of you I’m grabbing your phone and throwing it at the nearest cyclist.
Taxi drivers – You fat old grumpy bastards give way once in a while.
Smokers – you inconsiderate cancer stick puffers. When you’re walking and smoking the person behind you has no choice but to inhale your disgusting second hand smoke. Especially when you’re walking slowly and your fat arse is so big they can’t overtake. If you’re too inconsiderate and too addicted to not smoke on busy walkways I hope you develop lung cancer and never see your kids grow up.
Slow walkers – DO NOT walk in a line with your slow walking friends. This means people can’t get past you and forces them to push through you. This could mean contact and the spread of your slow walking germs. Why the hell do you people walk so slow anyway? Don’t you have anywhere to be? I’ve always got somewhere to be, otherwise why would I be out on the street?
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I ride my bike most of the way to work while smoking. Once I lock by bike up, I slowly walk up the street texting my friends in one hand, smoking in the other, then hop in my taxi and start my shift... I'm the world's biggest asshole!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your rant!!! Oxford Street is probably the worst place for slow workers. I'm no runner, but I'm forever getting stuck behind a group of thicko tourists, lovey-dovey couples who think they're taking a slow walk down the beach or retards with prams who think it's ok to run over my feet. Write more, write more!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything on here. Cyclists alternate between a vehicle and a pedestrian when it suits them. Oi! Arseholes! No!!! And stay off the bloody pavement too. Twats!
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